Lost...

    That's how I'm feeling right now.

 My Mom passed away on September 2nd. I was there with her during her final moments. With Justin by my side for support. I kept going back and forth on whether or not I could be there at the end. Knowing what was going to take place. I just felt like I wouldn't be able to handle being there with my Mom in her final moments when she took her last breaths. But Justin was there with me for support, and that helped me so much. Now I look back and I'm glad I was there. She went peacefully surrounded by many people that love her dearly.

As hard as it is knowing my Mom is no longer here I know she's no longer in pain and isn't suffering. I miss her so much. Nights are so much harder on me. I miss calling her to discuss what took place on Nancy Grace that night and for her to call and give Justin a hard time over the Nascar race and who was going to win. She loved joking around with him over the races, and so did he. I know he'll miss those phone calls also.

Her wishes were to be cremated and to just have a graveside service. So on Tuesday all of us headed to Bloomington to plan out everything. And then we decided to have the services on the following Friday. And it poured almost the entire day. After the graveside services were over we went and had a family and friends dinner. My Mom would have loved it and having everyone together. And we attempted a balloon release from all the grandkids but again, it poured most of the day and the balloons just wouldn't go up. So we held on to a few and brought them home and let the kids release them.

I'm sorry to everyone for not calling you back right away. Right now I just honestly don't really feel like talking. I'm having a very difficult time with my Mom's passing. I know she's in a better place but I just feel like I've lost such a big part of me.



I called Dr. Vukov's office this last Tuesday and informed them about what all was going on and they told me to take a week off from treatment and just to go back on this next Tuesday for bloodwork, appointment, and chemo. With everything going on it was very much appreciated. But I did go in to have my counts checked just to make sure things were alright.

 I had gone in the week before for chemo and to have my counts checked and they were pretty low then so we decided it would be best if I went in for platelets. I didn't need the blood right then and I was going to hold off but not knowing what exactly was going to take place with my Mom I decided to go ahead and go get both, I knew the blood would make me feel a little better physically. So I went in and had a type and cross done that day and the transfusions done the next day, 2 bags of blood and 2 bags of platelets.

My counts on 8/31 were:
White Blood Count    0.76    (normal range 4.26-9.66)   So mine were very low meaning - meaning I basically have no "infection fighters".
Platelets   8   (normal range 133-382)  Very low also.
Hemoglobin  (Red blood cells)  (normal range 11.5-16.0)


My counts on 9/6 were:
White Blood Count   0.99
Platelets  78
Hemoglobin  9.1


Aly had her orientation back at Hobby Horse this last Wednesday and she loved it! She was supposed to go for her first day this last Friday but had to miss it because of everything going on. But she'll start back to school on Monday and then go M,W,F each week. And she has tap and tumbling on Tuesday nights.
So busy busy busy!



Off to bed now. Thank you all for the prayers, calls, and cards during this difficult time. We appreciate it so much.


                  Kim