Needing to vent.

         Yesterday afternoon Justin picked the kids up from daycare and came home. He said Aly had another bad day (fits, acting out, refusing to be quiet during rest time, and so on). He said she kept saying she wanted to go back to Hobby Horse. Oh, how I miss Hobby Horse preschool. I so wish there was a way we could have kept her in there instead of pulling her out like we did in December and putting both kids in daycare. We had no choice. I went from being a full time stay at home Mommy and Wife to a cancer patient and our lives being flipped completely upside down. I beat myself up so bad about this when I know they say everything happens for a reason. I just hate the fact that Aly has missed out on so much there. I loved her teacher, the school, everything. Aly mentioned a couple of weeks ago out of the blue that she was getting dressed and going to "Hobby Force" and like I said, it was completely out of the blue, and I just lost it. I cried. I teared up and didn't want her to see me and only being 4, she wouldn't understand why Mommy was crying. So I went to the bathroom and bawled. All over my baby not being in preschool. Then she mentioned it again yesterday to Justin. I know he feels bad also about her not being happy and wanting to go back there. But there is nothing we can do right now since it's summer break.

I've stayed in contact with her teachers there and they are saving her a spot this coming Fall and that makes me feel so good. They have said they would save her a spot since we had to pull her out. I just love this preschool. So I need to get the admission fee check sent off soon. If there is a will there is a way she will go. Just at the time it wasn't an option for her to stay enrolled there, we didn't know what all was going on with my health.

I just needed to vent.

I guess we can say this will be my emotional day this week. Aly has tot soccer and pictures tonight. I was hoping they would be held outside but it's pouring down rain here.

Tomorrow I have my appt. with Dr. Vukov, chemo, and my spinal tap at Methodist. Praying for an easy day!